Well feeling of being depressed and happy at different occasions are somewhat ruled by the season within you... it is quiet obvious and proved by theory that if ppl accuse u or hurt ur feelings, u won't feel bad until ur real self is jolted. if this happens then u'll be able to hurt urself more than others can.
Well earlier i never suppose to take things to heart and get depressed over what other says and i don't do at this moment as well, rather staying at home from past 2 months has made me so sensitive that i can't help listening to ppl i never cared about... I have in the process of deforming myself has got habitual of accusing myself for for that is happening to me.
I didn't got the job its probably my lacking somewhere... yeah who would give job to someone like me of course... i don;t have so much in me that others have thats y they got the job and i didn't... well comparing myself to others is another thing that has come up to me... i never actually listed anybody my competition ever and avoided comparing myself to others but yeah this depression within is now emphasizing me to make a comparison of what i lack and all my insecurities. this is kind of killing my individual trademark.
Fear of presenting myself to the world; well at first i never used to bother about the way i look... yeah of course physical appearance does matter but that same old selfless feeling is something that is long lost now... my appearance in front of others now does matter... the mishap i had at my last year of graduation; in my lingo i call it fashion emergency/disaster well sari wid heel malfunctioning took place wid me and i seriously looked pathetic... well hoping not to repeat the history this time on my convo day... well some stern steps i took and consulted a friend who is a fashion designer so i ordered a dress but fate strikes back and this time almost all the money i invested in the preparation of the dress is ruined now... great isn't it... this is pissing me off more...
On addition to that my dad is also not attending my convo and guess wat i can't complaint on anything... all these things r just somewhat my concern and my headache and my responsibility or completely out of my reach... at this moment i wish i didn't have to go to my convo and cud miss it in any way...
I am only feeling bad within and seriously need a mood intervention or else if im hurting myself at this moment; i'll start harming ppl around me too... that i won't like...
So in short my life SUCKS big time now and m unable to find a way out of it...!!!
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